"A Wealth of Experience and Common Sense"

Gill Berry reviews a new and practical resource for parents

Confident Parenting: A Hands-on Approach to Children by Anne Davis, Souvenir Press, 1997, 170 pp, hb, RRP £15.99

In part, the need for this book has arisen from the debate surrounding the Children's Rights movement, and more especially Article 19 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, which seeks to protect children from all forms of physical or mental harm. This has been interpreted by some to include smacking, and a vigorous campaign has been waged by the anti-smacking lobby group EPOCH which aims to remove parents' current legal rights to use physical punishment.

Confidence and consistency

Here is a challenge for parents to evolve their own philosophy of parenting, which also provides tools to enable them to discipline their children with confidence and consistency - without necessarily feeling that "to smack is to fail" (p78). However, to dismiss the book as merely pro-smacking propaganda would be naive and unfair. Anne Davis underlines the need for parents to let their child know that "although his behaviour was naughty and should not be repeated, he himself is loved" (p144).

The book is divided into two main parts. The first, "The Question of Discipline", deals with basic principles of consistent, loving discipline. The second, "Living with Children", looks at practical aspects of discipline from birth to age five. Balanced reasons for disciplining children are given, for instance: "Good discipline will help a child conform to what is acceptable without compromising his individuality; it will provide the security and confidence that will enable him to question what he doesn't understand, as well as the consistency necessary for the development of positive, balanced self-esteem" (p16).

Grasping the nettle

Chapters Three and Four discuss the thorny issue of physical punishment. Anne Davis tells how she found herself, as a childminder, at the centre of a national furore over her refusal to promise not to smack children in her care. Here she produces a well-thought out rationale for smacking as a part of discipline, and examines the main opposing arguments put forward by EPOCH. She effectively dissolves these by looking more closely at the research on which their theories are based. She also looks at the effect of anti-smacking laws in Sweden (the flagship of European sociological theory) and concludes that "...the state's interference in how parents care for their children has actually led to neglect. It seems that, once you take away parents' rights, some will abandon their responsibilities too" (p71).

Other research is cited, which concludes that "It has been recognised, even by those basically opposed to physical punishment, that appropriate use of smacking is the most effective way of backing up other disciplinary techniques, and that it is particularly effective when combined with reasoning" (p74). Just what is appropriate is considered, and some positive basic principles are given.

Part Two gives practical ideas for providing a framework of discipline at each stage of a child's development. To those who might think this sounds harsh, and assume Anne Davis is advocating smacking a hungry three-week old baby, be reassured! She emphasises the importance of this framework being covered with love: "Loving our children and letting them know that we love them is the most important thing that any parent can do" (p21). She draws on a wealth of experience with her own three daughters, and also as a childminder, to bring some much-needed common sense into the arena of children's upbringing.

Serious but amusing

Although this is a 'serious' book, it is not without a lighter side, with Nicola Wells' amusing line drawings enhancing the presentation. Anne Davis has managed to be warm-hearted, practical and readable about issues which are emotive and contentious. (One part which entertained us as a family was her account of potty-training two of her daughters. Ah, yes, I remember it well!).

I am not sure that this will become a best-seller, partly because of the price (RRP £15.99), and partly because I fear that people are generally unwilling to think clearly about such hard issues. Also, as is often the case, the people who really need such a book may be unlikely to get hold of it and use it - for whatever reason. (I wonder whether there are plans to produce a cheaper version in paperback?). Notes and an index are included.

Thoughtful and necessary

The big question is: Do we really need another book on how to bring up children? I certainly think we need this one! Most parents, it seems, tend to "muddle through" rather than think through how they bring up their own children, and this, to me, is where the real value of the book lies. I found myself agreeing wholeheartedly with Anne Davis at almost every stage, with both the principles and the practice of disciplining children. I hope that Confident Parenting will be read and used as it deserves.

Gill Berry lives in Shrewsbury with her husband Steve and their four sons aged between eleven and seventeen. She works part-time in a local school as a learning support assistant, and in her "spare time" sings, plays guitar and piano, and composes. She has trained as a counsellor with the Association of Christian Counsellors

What other reviewers have said...

"In this practical and sensible book, Anne Davis sets out to help us regain confidence in bringing up our children with detailed advice for the years naught to five.

"Her counsel includes constant loving, example and respect for the child, and she argues convincingly why smacking is sometimes the only way to make a child see that he or she has behaved unacceptably." - Red House Book Club

"This is a book that could be of interest to new parents entering the unfamiliar territory of childcare or to those with more than one child reflecting on parental practice so far. It has a friendly, approachable style and interesting anecdotes...

"Chapters relating to older children are full of ideas for teaching, interacting with, and enjoying your child. I found many helpful ideas, and have used and enjoyed several activities." - New Generation (journal of NCT)

"This is an important book. From experience of running parenting sessions..I have seen just how much the confidence of parents has been undermined. Any way in which parents can be helped to think through the needs of their children and be encouraged to meet them is valuable. We should be grateful to Anne Davis for this book.

"None of us can have failed to have been influenced by the current smacking debate. Some enlightened common sense and background facts to the issues illuminates the first half of the book..

"In the second half of the book, the flavour of warm family life comes shining through conveying realism, humour and compassion." - Parentwise

This feature was originally published in Families for Discipline newsletter, Issue 6, Spring 1998.

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